My reversion to Islam

I won't reveal my name birth for privacy reasons. I have taken the Islamic name of Aida. I was born to a christian family living in the south of the united states twenty years ago. From a very young age religion was a big part of my life. Church and private Christian schooling were requirements. For as long as I can remember I felt different from everyone around me. I didn't think like them, didn't seem to feel like them about many issues and very often could not easily connect with them.  When I was very young I often felt as if I were born in the wrong place or the wrong time. I never believed in the Christian faith. I knew always.. it just couldn't be truth. It never felt right and it never seemed real... yet my heart always seemed to still be searching because despite this I knew there there had to be something out there, there had to be some higher power. I never felt atheism was a valid explanation. Since childhood I had a captivation with learning about different religions. I learned about so many, Buddhism, Hindu, Hare Krishna, Judaism, etc. Some were very interesting but none gave me a feeling of truth. None felt "right". Islam is unique in the way it makes sense. It dosn't contradict itself in the way so many religions do. It doesn't argues against science and logic and while there are some disagreements between believers on certain interpretations Muslims do not seem to "pick and choose" out of their holy book what they want to believe and what they want to follow. Most Christians I have noticed barely know half of what is even in their holy book!

I am lucky in one way.. even though I was only in the 6th grade on the historic date of 9/11 and all of my family were closed minded to many things and firmly christian this tragedy was not the first time in my life Islam was brought to my awareness as it was for many American kids. My first introduction to Islam came from my aunt and uncle. My uncle was a navy pilot stationed in Saudi about two years before the tragedy. He lived there for a period of two years with his wife, my paternal aunt and her baby daughter. My aunt had gone over there with many of the stereotypes and thoughts about Islam and the middle east that it seems now even more Americans have. When she came back she seemed awed! I remember her talking about how kind and honorable these people were! She only had positive things to say. This really permanently opened my mind. My culture, school, church had for the most part trained me to think that only Christians could be good people. All else were hell bound sinners. I always had my doubts. As I mentioned before I always knew something wasn't right.. but when my aunt came back this was confirmed for me.

I remember her showing us things she had brought back from that country. One I remember best was her abaya. I remember thinking this was such a beautiful thing! I was surprised the reaction of my family towards what seemed to me just a lovely interesting dress. They saw it as something horrible forced on my aunt. . as if she had been made to wear handcuffs or something punitive. She disputed it and tried her best to explain this was not the case and the Islamic reason for the dress but her words were disregarded. She brought home a holy Quran as well. I remember my grandfather at first was horrible uncomfortable with this being in the home.. he, a christian thought it would anger God or bring the devil somehow in. She convince him though that was no reason it shouldn't be there though for education reasons. My aunt herself never converted to Islam. She was just more accepting of middle eastern culture and more open minded to Islam and other religions in general than the rest of my family. The Quran was not translated into English yet I remember looking through it page after page for long periods simply enthralled by the beauty of the writing. This book felt special to me! It felt sacred to me even then in a way the Bible never has.

I researched Islam off and on for many years during my late childhood and teen aged years. It already had taken my heart but I wasn't ready to give the rest of myself over to it. Before I converted I remember often when I went out without my family wearing hijab. It felt right. I felt respectable. I felt like I was doing a good thing. This act of modesty made me feel a happiness attention from boys and men never has. I avoided converting for so long because I was a minor and I feared my parents reaction. I had many other problems with them already. They were both alcoholics who fought violently often, my father was an extreme racist and we all agreed on very little. Because of the home situation I moved out of my parents home very young. I left less than three days after my eighteenth birthday. Very soon after gaining my Independence I found the strength to fully give myself over to Allah and I would never turn back. I have ever since my reversion tried my best to live my life purely, goodly and holy. I have been reverted for nearly two years. I wear hijab and pray daily. I now own my own translated Quran and am learning Arabic. Praise in the highest be to Allah. If anyone would like to learn more about my experiences or converting to Islam or living as a Muslim in the USA or as a young woman.. please leave a comment with your email on any of my blog posts or pages. I will be sure to contact you with all due haste.